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Finding Strength in Small Steps | Week 7

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” — Brené Brown

This quote encapsulates the journey of recovery: facing physical and mental setbacks with courage and learning to embrace vulnerability as a source of strength. My goal of running a 5K and doing a Misogi in Zion National Park is clear, but the path to achieving it has been complex and filled with unexpected challenges. Here’s an in-depth account of each day this week—a look at the setbacks, progress, and lessons learned along the way.

Sunday: Persistence in Routine

The week began with focusing on rebuilding strength through morning exercises—crunches, leg extensions, and one-leg squats with a weighted vest. Even simple tasks like hauling groceries up to my apartment reminded me of the resilience needed to tackle everyday activities. Balancing these exercises with a demanding workday left me exhausted by bedtime, but the physical routine brought a sense of purpose. This day underscored the importance of pacing, knowing that recovery is about consistent effort rather than all-or-nothing moments.

Monday: Confronting Fatigue and Fears

After Sunday’s exertion, I was tired on Monday, which resulted in me hitting the alarm a few extra times before finally rising. I completed my morning workout. Throughout the day a sense of apprehension lingered. I was thinking about everything that could go wrong and trying to solve problems in advance. This day was a reminder that recovery isn’t only about physical endurance but also about mental resilience.

Tuesday: Surgery and the Need for Adaptation

Tuesday’s early hours began with a chlorhexidine sponge bath in preparation for surgery. While my pre-op exercises were limited (yes, I still worked out!!), I still got it done before hopping down to catch my Uber. However, what was intended as outpatient surgery quickly turned into an unexpected overnight stay. Yes, I was that patient. Without a ride home and someone to monitor me for the next 24 hours they were not able to discharge me. As it turned out, this was a good thing. Surgery was more extensive than expected. I appreciate my orthopedic surgeon's hard work in repairing a fracture he had seen for the first time. Managing pain was a challenge; as the anesthetic block wore off, I was reminded of the importance of accepting help. When the pain became too intense to bear without medication, I had a humbling realization about the necessity of asking for help when needed. I worked most of the day but had to shut down when my pain hit a 10/10. Fortunately, between my amazing nurse and the surgeon on call we found a cocktail that worked. I was exhausted and crashed in the early evening.

Wednesday: Pain Management and New Challenges

Post-surgery, Wednesday was a whirlwind of pain management, physical therapy, occupational therapy and work. Between PT sessions, conversations with the care team, and my own battle with post-operative side effects, this day became a lesson in accepting the messy realities of healing. I was able to meet with a new Infectious Disease physician. The plan is to continue IV antibiotics for six weeks from the day of surgery. I am so nervous about my new hardware getting infected, and I agree that this is a good preventative strategy. Then, I began the calls and meetings to get home care reestablished, get my meds delivered, and prepare for discharge.

The dining options were good but limited. I want to thank Uncle for trying to modify the Vegetarian menu. There was an amazing fruit plate, which became the primary thing I ordered for meals.

Thursday: Small Triumphs and Hard-Learned Lessons

Thursday began with the goal of returning home, but it became a day of overcoming obstacles and taking control of my care. I passed my PT steps test and scheduled all necessary home medications, feeling prepared to manage my needs independently. I have been on this journey since September 7th; I am pretty good with self-care. The discharge process, however, brought reminders of the need for self-advocacy. I realized I needed to be more vigilant about my PICC line care, something I had taken for granted. I left FOS despite receiving Senna and MOM during my stay. I should have remembered this was always something I avoided when I was practicing; having patients leave FOS is not a good thing. As I left Inova Fairfax Medical Center, I reflected on the excellent care I received and the responsibility I held to ensure my recovery continued at home.

Friday: Frustration, Discomfort, and Follow-Through

Friday was a day steeped in frustration and discomfort. My energy was low, pain persisted, and, most notably, my constipation had become unbearable. I was severely impacted, experiencing intense abdominal discomfort. At 4 a.m., in sheer desperation, I sat on the toilet for over 30 minutes, trying to relieve the pressure. When nothing else worked, I finally resorted to manual disimpaction. Though it may sound graphic, it was the only solution that brought me relief. Success! I will NEVER allow this to happen again.

This experience gave me a profound respect for those facing similar issues and reminded me that recovery is about regaining strength and overcoming physical vulnerabilities. I contacted home care to arrange necessary support, including PICC line maintenance. Later that day (around 9 pm ET), a nurse arrived to address my PICC line, which brought relief but reinforced that staying ahead of these challenges required persistence and self-advocacy. She changed my PICC dressing, but only one of the two lines would flush. Uggh. I would have to call home care in the morning.

Saturday: Monitoring My Health Data and an ED Visit

Saturday started on a hopeful note, but stepping onto the scale revealed an unexpected challenge—my weight was down to 116.8 pounds, much lower than I anticipated. Weight fluctuations have been a constant concern, especially post-surgery, and regaining a healthy weight has become a priority. My HRV is also low (in the 20s and 30s). It hit a low of 18 today, a number I have never seen before. My blood glucose has been good; in the 80s first thing in the morning. It is fascinating to look at my biometrics over the past six months. It will be another conversation to discuss how changes in these data reflect my injury and recovery.

I began the day with a sponge bath, followed by a modified exercise routine to build back strength. I started slowly with anchored sit-ups, shoulder presses, and rows.

Exercises

1 x 25 anchored sit-ups
One Arm Rows: 1 x 20 x 20, 1 x 20 x 30, 1 x 20 x 30
Seated Shoulder Press: 1 x 20 x 10, 1 x 20 x 20, 1 x 20 x 30
Biceps Curls: 1 x 20 x 10, 1 x 20 x 20, 1 x 20 x 20
2 x 20 one-leg squats to the couch
1 x 20 one-leg squats to couch with a 10# weighted vest
2 x 20 Face pulls with band
2 x 20 biceps curls with band

However, another hurdle emerged: a blockage in my PICC line. When I went to administer my antibiotics, neither port worked. Uggh. I called Homecare and they told me to go to the ED. Another amazing Uber driver helped me get to the Inova Fairfax ED. He was delightful and gave me tips on getting to the back more quickly. The ED was hopping. I loved the people-watching. Fortunately, they were able to use some Cath Flo to get the lines working again. Whew! Then I got mad. Here I was going to have to pay for an ED visit (I am sure United won’t cover this either) for something that I think could have been addressed by home care. Was it for certain? No. Our reliance on using the ED as a source of primary care, home care, and other alternative means of care is not helping the issues we are having with cost, quality, or access. Just frustrated. During my Uber ride home, I enjoyed the beautiful fall colors and reflecting on the day. A little deep breathing and positive affirmations go a long way.

Despite the disruptions, I ended the day on a positive note. I was grateful to be back home and reflecting on the week’s journey—a mix of setbacks and small victories that strengthened my resolve to reach the 5K finish line and complete my misogi in Zion in February. I feel like I am on a mini misogi right now.

Recovery is often filled with unexpected challenges, but each day is an opportunity to grow stronger. Embrace the daily battles, celebrate the small wins, and remain committed to your goals. Recovery is not just about physical endurance but about resilience in every aspect—physical, mental, and emotional. I don't want to share only the fun parts of my journey. I plan to continue to be raw and real. I appreciate you taking the time to follow along.